Rechargeable Bird Lamp

Bruce Ediger

Bought a “Rechargeable Bird Table Lamp” from Amazon. These are possibly the worst instructions I’ve ever read.

Bird lamp parts diagram

“USB Charging Port” - more like a cloaca, amirite?

Bird lamp usage instructions

The first 4 items in the Usage section each have something deeply messed up.

  1. “Power hole” - if this doesn’t become the next big slang word, I’ll eat my feet.
  2. Proper prior parsing prevents pitiful pronoun performance
  3. Can you have something “larger than” 5 volts? I’m not at all sure.
  4. WTF

Bird lamp troubleshooting “instructions”

The troubleshooting instructions are not only worded incomprehensibly, the formatting leads to bonus incomprehension. Item 2, wow.

Bird lamp warranty info

Free services exclusion #1 is just baffling.

I’ve decided to believe that there’s no warranty on this piece of consumer electronics.